Before I continue with this part of my journey, I want to write a disclaimer for my readers. 

This series is about my relationship with my body, my health, and my self-esteem. It is not meant to encourage or glamorize and promote unhealthy eating habits/eating disorders in ANY WAY. 

If I want to be honest, although anonymously in this blog, I also have to admit that not everything about my weight loss in high school was healthy. 

When I initially got sick and overtime it wouldn’t stop, I became, or better yet, I developed the fear of food. My fear and having a mix of unhealthy restrictions caused me to lose weight very quickly. Looking back now, I knew somewhat that I wasn’t exactly healthy. I wasn’t taking care of myself, and there was a period when I wasn’t getting enough nutrition I needed. 

When I eventually recovered and started eating normally, my body not only gained weight but also put it back on quickly. Unfortunately, I didn’t just return to eating normally; I swung to the opposite extreme. I found comfort in food and slowly developed habits that weren’t healthy either. 

For a long time now, my relationship with food has become extreme. This series isn’t about trying to become small again. 

It’s about learning about balance, not fearing food, and learning to control my emotions. I don’t want to punish my body again and reward my body every time something stressful happens. I just want to learn to value food and take care of myself. 

On this journey, I will try to do a weekly summary of my exercise, healthier habits, and a lifestyle I can maintain without relying on restriction or shame. 

And if you are reading this and you are struggling with your own relationship with food or your own body, I hope you know my story isn’t a guide or a how-to. It’s simply my experience. 

My goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be healthy. 

I want to feel, after such a long time, that I’ve lost weight so I can become stronger and healthier, live longer, and enjoy my life without hating myself. 

And I hope you enjoy this journey along as I try to figure it out.